Kaizoku Baka - The Idiot Pirate

"[A]t least one Freud-influenced account of lesbianism explains it as a weaning trauma, whereby the clitoris is seen as a substitute for the lost nipple of the maternal breast. This has always seemed to me to be a particularly gripping piece of folly. First, if you want a nipple women have two real ones, so what exactly prompts the traumatized nipple-seeker to go for the genitals? Second, sucking a penis would surely provide a more accurate simulacrum of suckling; not only is it relatively the right size (if you are thinking of a nipple in a baby's mouth) but also, in the end, you get funny-tasting milk out of it. Of course the male anxiety which gives rise to such frank idiocy is above all concerned to defuse the threat of lesbian sexuality by replacing mature female erotic desire with an infantile desire for food."

--Tamsin Wilton, in Lesbian Studies (1995).


Sarcasm in lesbian feminist academia is a beautiful, beautiful thing, and not just because Freud does uncontrollable cartwheels in his grave (and I bust a rib from laughing.)

Which creature of the night are you? Your Result: Sorceror   Control is the name of your game. You are a studied tactician and scientist and you seek a kingdom where things make sense, damn the morals, even if you have to create it. You are cold, calm and calculating.
Cthulu Spawn
Werewolf
Ghost
Vampire
Incubus/Succubus
Demon
Which creature of the night are you? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 3.33

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz


In other news, this year's final nanowrimo count was a little short of 40,000, which I'm rather pleased with considering the added hurdles of November papers and a mutant flu virus. (Had I included the word counts of all the papers I wrote I would have passed the nanofinish line, but dishonesty is not the point of the exercise now is it?)

Back to final papers I go, I go.

The past year has been a dry spell for foaming-at-the-mouth-rabid fandoms, at least since Harry Potter dug its own grave back in July 2007. However, I see a monsoon season fast approaching: Twilight, that horrible horrible tweenangst vampire series by Stephanie Meyers, has hit the spotlight. Once many months ago I read the first book in the series in a vague attempt to understand what had enchanted all (and I do mean all) my female cousins so. Instead, I got my first glimpse into a fandom that genuinely unsettles me.

Fans of Twilight remind me of the hordes of girls who claim they love Jane Austen, and yet have never read her books; that's what the movie adaptations are for, right? *grumble* While I have nothing against Austen - I'm quite fond of her actually - the plethora of Austen-derived romantic dribble in the last few years disgusts me. Somewhere along the way, Jane Austen was hijacked by a group of women (and male entrepreneurs, I'm sure) who turned her perceptive narrative of social life among the landed gentry into The Ultimate True Romance Liek Evar Omg. I'm sick of these six words: "Mr Darcy is the ideal man." Um, he's not. That's the point of Pride and Prejudice - Darcy is a stuck up snot who must overcome that to win the girl, and said girl is a judgmental shrew who must accept that she isn't always right. That's why the book is considered a classic - it looks at how two emotionally messed up misfits find love and (relative) understanding. Darcy does not equal Prince Charming. Replace 'Darcy' with 'Edward the Emo Vampire' and you have the current Twatlight craze.

Edward Cullen is NOT, I repeat, NOT Prince Charming. Why hundreds of fans beg to differ worries me.

It's my private theory that Twilight is the ultimate girlfriend litmus test: if the girl likes Twilight (or as many of the less amused call it, Twatlight) BACK THE HELL OFF SHE WILL EAT YOUR SOUL. It takes a certain type of personality to find Twilight's f-ed up relationship 'romantic', one with impossibly high expectations. Judging by several cases I know in real life, Twilight fans are hopeless romantics who want the world to match their exceedingly unrealistic expectations. They want an older, aggressive boyfriend, but he has to be virginal and restrained too. They want a guy who will sneak into their house under their parent's nose to sit by their bed all night and stare them to sleep (no kissing, just watching. Am I the only one who finds this creepy?) Um, hello, this made up relationship is neither healthy nor something to market as "perfect." In the first book - at least all I was able to read of it - Edward repeatedly tells Ella that he might kill her. And I'm supposed to consider this acknowledged murderer who has few regrets, suicidal habits (the driving, anyone?), and sneaks into a girl's room at night, a girl who I might add is 80-some years younger than him and who he constantly threatens to kill, I'm supposed to consider this guy Prince Charming?!?

You're out of your bloody minds.


(ETA: And don't even get me started on the whole 'Prince Charming' delusion. Just don't.)

Just a shout-out to everyone that I'm doing NNWM once again under the sn 'kaizokubaka'. Friend me if you want some good ol' fashioned word-wars! Or just a shoulder to cry on during the final week.

Oh, and for the first time this year's novel does NOT, I repeat, NOT have sci fi/fantasy influences! Um, at least if you don't count the haunting. And the clairvoyant. Hey, I try.

Research Essay No. 1, numerical breakdown:

-Researching, reading background material, harnessing quotes: 43 hours

-Outlining: 4 hours

-Paper writing: 11 hours

-Editing and revising: 2 hours

-Knowing that the paper worth 50% of your grade will get a gold star: PRICELESS


I had more fun writing this sucker than should be legally possible.

Years and years ago I spent the summer in Oxford on academic exchange. Many remarkable things happened, mostly the type that beget fond memories of those glorious salad days, but there was one small dark spot: my Swiss watch, my faithful companion through half a lifetime of childish misadventure, died a most undignified death. To be more specific, one of the numbers disengaged from the face and cleverly worked itself into the clockwork, and by the time emergency operations commenced the cogs had chewed themselves beyond saving. I mourned that watch for months.

Flash forward to now. Studying abroad in England, everything going spiffy, blabbity blah bla. Lo and behold, I wake up one morning to discover my watch has up and died. Not such a remarkable occurrence were it any other watch. This baby had chutzpah. Its history speaks to its unbreakable stamina. I found it under a snowbank while hiking at 11,000 ft in early spring, where it had been buried since at least October and kept perfect time. This same watch fell twelve feet to solid concrete without blinking, went through the washing machine twice, and survived a liberal dosing of ill younger brother vomit. That is one muthernucking tough watch. Not the type you'd expect to die with its boots off in bed, per se.

RIP Doc Holliday watch. Your reliability and sheer tenacity will be missed.

Apparently I should leave my watch at home next time I visit England and avoid further fatalities.

I just found out one of my high school classmates is suing another over a bear hug in 2003 that resulted in "facial damage". I was pretty good buddies with both these kids and remember them as friendly, good head on the shoulders. That this should come up five years later...

Seriously, WTF?!?

Just when I think I'm starting to get a grip on things the world *always* throws a curveball.

Damn you chronic insomnia, you're suppose to *disappear* during vacation, not get worse!

In other news, I'm starting to get a really sexy biker's tan, and by sexy I mean I look like some corpse with Malibu Beach Barbie arms tacked on at T-shirt level. Should I happen to appear in a bathing suit this summer I guarantee instant entertainment for anyone in visual proximity.

Back to staring at my ceiling in futile anticipation of sleep. *sigh*

(For some reason the big poofy flakes aren't showing up, but I think you get the idea.)

I love where I live.

Morbid curiosity inspired me to make a page count of all the papers I wrote this semester. Total tally? Just short of....... drumroll please...... 200 f*ing pages. (191 being damn well close enough.) That's two hundred pages of full blown research packed papers, my friends, not a breezy page of creativity in there. I can't decide if I should be thrilled or appalled.

Small wonder my brain's fried.

(200 pages of creative writing isn't all that difficult to pull off, even in under a month if you're caffeinated enough, but 200 pages of properly backed research papers is a first for me.)


And now I plan to renew my life's meaning by reading all of Watership Down in the fabulously gluttonous reading binge I've been denying myself for the past three-and-a-half months. Followed possibly by some Tamora Pierce, that small stack of Georgette Heyer I've been eyeballing, obscene quantities of Malory, as much E. M. Forster as the library has in, and a quick visit with Geoffrey of Monmouth for shits and giggles. Helloooo summer vacation! ~<3

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Gawd, I love it when I get results I like. ; )

My dear MSWord, I can forgive you for not knowing nomenclature like "heteroglossia," "postcolonialism," and "écriture féminine," but lacking the word "hijinks" in your processor is simply ridiculous - particularly considering that I can right-click 'look up in dictionary' and get a definition.

In other news, last day of finals is coming up. Wishing best of luck to all graduating seniors! You rock!

(Added a few hours later: MSWord doesn't recognize animality either. Whee.)

Recent manga news for the similarly obsessed:

-Pet Shop of Horrors: Tokyo, the sequel to the original PSoH, was just released by Tokyopop. If you were a fan of the original series you'll start frothing at the mouth when you read this (and if you haven't read the original, FIX IT!! If horror, great art, and very intelligent stories make you giddy, you will *adore* PSoH!)

-Emma and Tramps Like Us have both concluded their English runs, with mixed results. Emma is strong up to the end, though I wish it could have continued a little longer given how intriguing I found its conclusion. Tramps, on the other hand, suffered a very weak final volume, but considering 1-13 were all enjoyable I'm willing to forgive.

-One of my favorite series, Antique Bakery by Fumi Yoshinaga, is going out of print! If you don't own this gem, pick up a copy before it's too late! WTH?! It was only released in 2005, and with scratch-and-sniff covers no less... What a loss.

-On the other hand, Fumi Yoshinaga's crowning yaoi series, Ichigenme, has finally been given a US release. If yaoi with characters and plot is your thing and you don't mind spending $15 a volume (though I believe Amazon has it for much less), I cannot recommend this enough.

-For those of you who are shoujo fans, I Hate You More Than Anyone! shows promise. That said, I've only read the first volume, so no guarantees.

Signs you may be an E.M. Forster fangirl: all you want for your birthday is a 1905 Venice & Southern Italy Baedeker. =)

(May I take this opportunity to say God bless the internets and ebay. That is all.)

Find Out Which Disney Girl You Are!
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Violet

She's quiet, reserved, and insecure, Violet is definitely out of place amongst her super powered family. However, much like you, she just needs to step out of herself and trust that she's a truly awesome person, and that people really do like her! You don't need super powers to be truly incredible!

Being able to turn invisible actually does sound rather appealing. Yay?